I 
I 
I 
I 
I
I
I
..............
Meet Kali
Parsons
by Jennifer Marine
Don’t let the chipper, wholesome
count- enance
of Kali Parsons fool you. This stay- at-home mom has a few surprises with a bite in store.
Mother to seven-year-old Benjamin and three-year-old Nicholas, Kali once had aspirations for
a career in Criminal Law -- it was her main course of study in college, and
she did an internship with the Travis County probation program.
Ultimately, she decided a career in criminal law
wasn’t for her and instead, channeled her knowledge of the field into writing a
thriller. But with a then six- month-old Benjamin in tow, she found the violence inherent in the novel disturbing and
uncomfortable. “Ever since I had kids, I can’t handle the violence. I can’t
stand seeing kids hurt in stories anymore,” she explains.
Kali was born Monique Parsons in Palo Alto, California, while both of her parents were
attending Stanford studying for doctorates. At three, her mother introduced her to
some- one, and Kali said, “No, that’s not my name. My name is Kali!”
From that point on, she refused to respond to the name Monique, and Kali it was. Her family moved to Austin in 1969 so her father
could teach physics at UT, and she’s lived here ever since.
Kali admits that important aspects of life changed dramatically for her
once she'd had kids. Being
pregnant caused an automatic switch -- she saw how her life affected others, as
opposed to being concerned with mainly herself. Now her life revolves in many ways around taking care of her children, even if it seems like
what’s she’s doing has nothing to do with them. “Even if I’m just taking a break,
it ultimately helps me be a better mom....” When Nicholas starts school,
she plans to return to writing, and already has several outlines started
for different stories.
Her commitment to her children is unwaver- ing, but being a mom didn’t completely come naturally
-- she was never a kid person, and still isn’t,
although love for her friends’ children is easy. “I feels like parenthood
is a total crash course. My biggest challenge is seeing myself in my son
who seems most like me, as far as the most difficult aspects of myself and
personality traits. I want to help him head off problems I faced, and say
don’t do that, but then I don’t necessarily follow the advice I give
him either!”
Female friendships also have come to the fore recently. Some years back, she realized she had a lack of support and camaraderie in her life, and
something shifted in her. She made the effort to create more friendships and is in a “really good space right now.”
This support system has helped
her weather the storms that accompany any life, and internal com- parisons to
fantasies about sparkling finances and an absolutely perfect partner-
ship. “Sometimes I’m totally aware of how blessed I am, and at other times, ha,
depend- ing on my cycle, I fall into a funk that has everything to do with
shoulda, coulda, woulda.”
Kali remarks that she doesn’t “necessarily feel powerful on a global level”, but is doing her
part to live a good life and raise happy kids (both born at home with midwives) without putting a lot of pressure on them to be perfect, and the
stress that goes along with that. She deliberately tries not to cultivate
the mindset that permeated her upbringing: that accomplishments make the
person, not the other way around.
People that first meet her might be surprised to know she used to regularly shave her head, raised pet
rats and pierced her own nose at 17.
Her friends might be surprised to know that she automatically feels that the
cup is half empty, but as she doesn’t want to burden anyone, frequently strives to act like things are better, then finds that they actually start
to feel that way. She’s passionate about keeping fit and believes that regular exercise and activity help her
remain sane.
Kali has big dreams of performing in some way, related to acting, dancing,
or writing. She believes the best way to go about it is to slowly inch her
way into it -- to work behind the scenes -- actively resisting the part of
her that wants to step into a performance with total perfection. She keeps pushing
herself, putting herself out there, like with her belly dancing, which she’s
been doing for two years. She leaves belly dancing class feeling “charged up, at
one with my body, fully present, really happy!”
She’d also like to try her hand at a short documentary, and is planning to put together an instructional
video to learn more about video editing. Kali's husband David is sup-
portive of
her efforts to learn something new and to produce her own work, and he's offered to
help teach her. “He’s my number one reader and my
most important critic -- my meter, as I think I am with him and new songs he
writes and sings.” They own and run Media Systems, a successful audio-visual production and rental company, where Kali manages the financial
aspects of the business.
She’s always been grateful that they are so consistent when it comes to
parental values; conflicts are rare about how to raise the kids -- they are a
unified force, a team. “There is no discrepancy -- we are so close in
approach that it’s easy to bend towards one another. We just celebrated our
tenth anniversary, and seem to get closer and more comfortable with each
other. We’re learning again how to have more fun with each other, how to
just go out and have a good time.”
(continued at top right)
The
Countess Galleria / Sarah Higdon
Here's more from Kali:
Who inspired you when you were growing up and why?
My maternal grandmother, Nana,
was my greatest inspiration. I can remember her coming home from an
event all dressed up to the nines and then trading in her duds for
comfortable pants, a shirt, and sneakers so she could go out with me in
her back yard and make mud pies behind the bushes. She was my own personal
Mr. Rogers, always eager to play with me on my level. For the last few
years of her life she vigorously battled cancer. She came up with the most
creative ways of playing with my brother and me while she lay in the
hospital bed in her bedroom. We'd make little creatures called "Wump
Wumps" out of paper, and do ela- borate plays. My brother and I never
felt slighted in any way and always knew we were her top priority. She was
amazing and has inspired me to be a better person.
You are face to face with your ten-year-old self. You have one thing to
say to her about her future, what do you say?
Don't take life so seriously. Try
new things and don't worry about what other people will think. Sometimes
things worth doing are worth doing even if you don't do them well. Give
yourself permission to not be perfect.
What is the biggest contradiction you see mothers being faced with
today?
The difference between what mother's expect themselves to be able to do and what they are realistically
capable of accomplishing while retaining their sanity. I think so many of
us run around frazzled and feeling guilty for not living up to some imaginary standard. We should just have a mass confession and see that we're
all pretty much in the same state and just let all that guilt go.
(Please see the AustinMama.com bumper sticker
below. If you'd like one, just tell us where
to send it.)
What do you see as your biggest challenge in being the kind of person you want to be?
I am most definitely my own greatest obstacle to being who I really want to be. I'd love to be a performer of some sort but I get wrapped up in feeling like I'd have to do it really well for it to be worth doing. I have plenty of patience and appreciation for others in their creative endeavors and value effort rather than end result. I owe myself the same. I need to take to heart the advice I'd give my ten-year-old self.
What makes you most happy about what you give back to the world?
I get so much pleasure when I see
my children being kind. I feel like I'm playing a major role in the
character development of two really wonderful boys. They are definitely my
greatest gift to this world. I love knowing that I'm adding to the nice
people population.
What two notable people would you like to see handcuffed together for a day?
Tipper Gore and Jello Biafra
What do you wish you could
automatically grant, like a fairy godmother, to mothers during trying times?
The ability to look at our
children with the same unconditional and unlimited love and appreciation
with which we did when they were newborns. Oh, yeah, and extra sleep and
an unlimited stash of dark chocolate.
Thanks, Kali!
____________
The Parsons' company, Media Systems,
creates corporate videos, commercials and wedding videos, and offers a complete line of A/V
rental equipment for seminars and conventions.
